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[Tacofiend]

I had a story idea a while back and have been writing a little on it off and on. I have the first little bit done and I just wanted to hear your opinions of it thus far. I only have the prologue done but I'm really only looking for critique on my writing style as of now.

Elius tore through the beckoning limbs of the forest, torrential rain soaking him to the bone. A piercing howl from behind caused a surge of adrenaline to course through his body, urging him to run faster. He couldn’t discern whether his pursuers were right on his heels or if they trailed him by vast lengths. Either way, his thundering heartbeat seemed to block out all of his other senses. He had one thing on his mind at the moment and one thing alone, Run.

* * *

Droplets of water hung off the tips of the leaves, dripping steadily into the puddles below. Thunder crashed, shaking the earth and sending out tiny ripples in the dirty water. Ancient, monolithic trees stood as guardians of the forest, noble and silent. They succumbed to the effects of the rain just the same, becoming dark and slick as the water streaked down their bark. The sky, slightly obscured by the forest’s luscious canopy, was ominously cloudy and the flashes of light that illuminated the clouds filled Elius with a sense of deep misgiving.
A young buck absentmindedly nibbled on the leaves of a small tree. It was a relatively small deer, had a beautiful reddish-brown coat, and was obviously not much more than two years old. Its first set of prickets had just recently sprouted, the velvet that covered them sparkling with the last remnant of the morning dew. As it bent down to sample the damp grass, it failed to hear the faint sound of Elius’ bowstring tighten. The hunter took great care when he fashioned his arrows and he took a moment before he released to admire his work. The feathers that adorned the end of the shaft were that of pigeon, compliments of the hunts his pet falcon, Tirai, would go on. The notch was smooth, designed to release without hindrance and the tip was sharpened into an only slightly dull point
The young dear jerked its head up suddenly and stood perfectly still. Elius knew exactly what had happened and he cursed himself inwardly for not paying attention to it. He was standing downwind. The creature’s solid black eyes remained vigilant for only a moment before it decided to run, but it was too late. The arrow sprang off the bowstring and rushed through the air straight for the buck. The feathers created a brief “whoosh” as it passed through the forest and a small thud as the tip plunged into the creature’s chest. The buck jumped into the air, turned, and sprinted off further into the forest.
At that point he took to following the deer, paying close attention to the deep indentations in the mud. Small splotches of blood dotted the ground just before the prints. Elius knew the stress that the arrow was causing on the buck’s front leg muscles and the fact that the animal was still exerting strenuous amounts of energy to get away would continue to cause the wound to pour blood. The creature would probably wind up bleeding to death by the time he got to him.
He had always been an excellent tracker, one of the few traits that he did share among members of Swiftirin. However, after following the deer through the saturated forest for what seemed like many hours he realized that he had gotten carried away and was now very deep in his enemy’s territory. Panic had struck Elius dumb and he stood frozen in the midst of several thin trees, his fallen prey lying prostrate before him. Its dead eyes stared sightlessly back at him and its mouth was slightly ajar, the round tip of its tongue poking out just a bit. The pool of blood under its torso was quickly mixing with the mud. Besides the perpetual torrent of rain, the forest was very still. A smell of dead fish slowing rose to meet Elius’ nostrils, a smell he soon identified, not as fish, but of fear.

* * *

As he sprinted into a clearing, he came upon a gnarled tree root that jutted out several inches above the ground. Sure enough, Elius’ foot was caught and he was sent face first into the mud. He scrambled for a moment, kicking at the slippery earth in order to get a foot-hold. He heard a twig snap. It was quickly followed by previously stifled grunts and heavy breathing. Elius was hit with a wave of panic that made him feel as if his innards had just done a somersault. His immediate reaction was a clumsy dive behind a fallen tree trunk. The smell of rotten wood hit him like the hilt of a sword and as he recovered, he looked down to see an entire ecosystem crawling before him. Of course the stench that followed greatly overpowered everything in the vicinity. It was rotten meat. Two wolves had moved cautiously into the muddy clearing. Their fur was a dark gray with tufts of black sticking out on the tips of their shoulders. Through a hole in the tree’s trunk Elius could see dried blood caked to the underside of their massive jowls. They stood menacingly on their haunches, glancing suspiciously around them as if daring their surroundings to withhold the whereabouts of their prey. One of the wolves stepped out in front of the other and put his nose to the ground, sniffing the wet soil in order to catch a scent. The other wolf looked to his comrade as if to ask, “What have you got?”
Elius trembled slightly which he tried to stop by biting into his finger. Rain had quickly washed all of the mud from his face and now dripped steadily of his delicately curved chin. His dark gray cloak was completely saturated and clung to his body as he crouched uneasily on the cold and clammy earth. Pale green eyes continued to watch as the wolves pushed their noses into the mud, desperate to get a trace of their quarry. The wolf that had not put his nose to the ground began to pace around the clearing, deciding that it would be best to trust his eyes instead of his nose. Every step that the beast took radiated with power. Elius wondered briefly, if the situation arose where he would be forced to flee, whether he would be able to resist them long enough to get to safety.
“No chance in Miriodd,” he thought. The wolf turned and began to make its way towards Elius’ hiding spot. With every one of the beast’s padded steps, Elius’ fear was renewed. He moved slowly and silently closer to the ground and pushed himself into the crease between the fallen tree and the mud, careful not to let his bow be damaged or give himself away. He held his breath. The creature’s menacing head appeared right above him, a drop of water falling from its chin and landing noiselessly on Elius’ cheek. It peered straight ahead, panning across the foliage in front it, searching for any sign of movement. From this far away Elius could see small wisps of steam rising up from the wolf’s snout. The beast reeked of perspiration. A feeling of imminent doom suddenly pulsed through his body as he watched the creature’s muzzle begin to tilt downwards. He closed his eyes, preparing to feel the wolf’s bone crushing jaws clamp down on his neck. But the jaws never came. The beast had turned sharply around to address his partner who now had its nose to the air and appeared to be receiving similar results as before. After what seemed like several eternities and one final pace across the clearing, the wolves resumed their hunt, leaving through the bushes and disappearing back into the forest.
Elius rose slowly, still careful not to make any noise to re-alert the wolves to his presence. Only when he saw that no one was in the now deserted clearing did he exhale and begin to breath normally again. Now satisfied and feeling a good bit safer, he turned and lay back against the tree trunk to rest for a moment before heading back home.
“The rain,” Elius breathed. “It covered my scent.”

What do you think?
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[Tacofiend]

I feel sad. No one likes my story...
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[Yazz]

interesting prologue.
keep writing, its got good consistency with description about both characters and environments, so keep writing. i'll read it.
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"Everyone makes choices in this world, sometimes we choose right and sometimes we choose wrong, with that in mind no matter what we choose we should aim to have fun no matter what we are doing." Yazz

[Tacofiend]

Yes! I finally got a reply! I'll try to work on it as much as I can between school, OM and life. I hope I can get the next bit up soon.
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