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Sharp · Gender: Joined: 17 Mar 2006 Posts: 5942 Status: User

It's really damned short, but people like it, so I figured I'd share it. I only had 35 minutes, though.

Life in 2056

The men were singing a song as they worked. It wasnâ€™t any particular kind of song, just a song. In a few minutes theyâ€™d have finished the tune, and would begin singing something else. But putting lettuce into boxes isnâ€™t an interesting way to make a living. So they sang, and if they wouldnâ€™t sing, they whistled, and if they couldnâ€™t whistle, they hummed, creating an orchestra of voices, with hard work as the conductor. It wasnâ€™t much, but it kept their morale up, and seemed to keep them in good health; for the most part, anyway.

Even on the farm, the smog of the city finds a way through, and so the brisk air isnâ€™t so brisk anymore, and the good health wasnâ€™t so good any more. John bent over to pick up a head of lettuce, but didnâ€™t return upright. He keeled over, and landed on the ground, with a sick noise. His coworkers didnâ€™t stop singing, but the tune had a sad change in tone. Heads were bowed as John was removed on a stretcher. They knew as well as anybody that he was only the first. The next will come soon, and eventually, thereâ€™d be nobody left to hold the stretcher. The earth wasnâ€™t so kind anymore.

John didnâ€™t wake up until the next day. Hospital beds surrounded him, but there was no surprise there. People nowadays knew heart attacks when they felt them. Turning over, he saw his wife, crying the same tears of joy sheâ€™d wept the last time this had happened. â€œI canâ€™t keep coming back forever, you know.â€ John had no trouble getting the words out. Technology had saved him in time. Heâ€™d be back so long as they got him before he died.

â€œThen donâ€™t go.â€ There was no hope in her eyes as she spoke anymore. Sheâ€™d realized that he was going to go back, that life would never change, and that no number of heart attacks could change any of that. Pollution had evolved into a stealthy predator. There was nowhere to run from it, it would seek out itâ€™s prey and inject itâ€™s venom of choice. This venom caused a heart attack. John gave his wife a hug, and saw the doctor. It was nearly time to get back to his work.

The men were singing a song as they worked. It was a sad song, but the workers didnâ€™t hear it. They only sang it, whistled it, and if not, they hummed it. But they did not hear it. They no longer knew the songs they were singing, but their hearts took control and cried out the music. They did not wish to be there, but they didnâ€™t remember that any more. They simply put the lettuce into boxes, they werenâ€™t dead yet, and that was a miracle in itself. It was enough.

Seanie · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:04 am Post subject:

Wow. I actually really like that. Devastated.

Its_The_Sneak!!! · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:09 am Post subject:

kinda bleak, though.
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Come into my den let me hear you cluck
You can be my hen and we can f(Bu-GAWK)
A bite to the leg, it's time to play
Baby, let me be your egg that needs to get laid.
- CEO Nwabudike Morgan
"The Chicken of Lust"

Sexy_Sakura · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:10 am Post subject:

Great stuff Sharp. I enjoyed it.
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Yep.

Sharp · Gender: Joined: 17 Mar 2006 Posts: 5942 Status: User

Its_The_Sneak!!! · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:22 am Post subject:

I think the future will be nice.
_________________
Come into my den let me hear you cluck
You can be my hen and we can f(Bu-GAWK)
A bite to the leg, it's time to play
Baby, let me be your egg that needs to get laid.
- CEO Nwabudike Morgan
"The Chicken of Lust"

Sharp · Gender: Joined: 17 Mar 2006 Posts: 5942 Status: User

I think Soylent Green will be people.

Sexy_Sakura · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:41 am Post subject:

anngry · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:27 am Post subject:

nice writing. the only thing i would say is to use more description and adjectives and those fun things to make stuff more effective.

but noone wants to be critiqued anyway. i do really like your style Smile

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and the cheat will hit stuff with a golf club! SEE-GEE-IN-YOU.

cyber95 · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:31 am Post subject:

anngry · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:34 am Post subject:

haha hey i didnt mean it in a bad way at all. i think he really has talent. the only reason i said something was because it was just the one thing.

keep writing. post it here. you have something going for you, kiddo.
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and the cheat will hit stuff with a golf club! SEE-GEE-IN-YOU.

cyber95 · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:35 am Post subject:

I was just nicely pointing out that your mediocre post was severely lacking in adjectives.
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.daerps em pleh ot erutangis ruoy otni em ypoC .suriv erutangis a ma I

Guy · Gender: Joined: 18 Mar 2006 Posts: 872 Status: User

the bunk · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:19 pm Post subject:

I liked it, sharp. Keep up the...work.
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Carlo Von Sexron · Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 1:16 am Post subject:

I'd have liked it better if giant lettuces were putting humans into boxes.

Other than that, I really did honestly enjoy that.
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